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How to Build the Relationship with Your Mentee

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Time you spend building rapport and trust with your mentee will improve the success of the journey. 
Here are key components you need to build that relationship -

1. Confidentiality in both directions is key. Do not discuss anything your mentee shares with you unless you have their permission. Remind your mentee of confidentiality at the beginning and end of every session. 

2. Building rapport and trust are essential. Here are some ways you can build trust.

  • Don’t rush. Spend enough time in the beginning getting to know each other, rather than rushing into goal setting and solutions. 
  • Do your research about your mentee so you’re not starting cold. Acknowledge their strengths.
  • Believe your mentee has the best answers within themselves. Your job is to ask the right questions.
  • Follow through – do what you say you are going to do.
  • Be prepared to be vulnerable – don’t just share your hero stories. Also share the times you failed.
  • Ask for and be open to feedback from your mentee.
  • Be non-judgmental.
  • Listen a lot! Talk a little.
  • Ask open-ended questions

3. Ask open-ended questions to get to know your mentee.

  • What are your values? 
  • What do you believe are strengths? 
  • What are you passionate about? 
  • What motivates you? 
  • What are you most proud of? 
  • What successes have you had? 
  • What have you taken away  from your failures? 

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How to Ask Challenging Questions

Asking challenging questions can be helpful to encourage deeper thinking about a situation.
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Asking challenging questions can be helpful to encourage deeper thinking about a situation. However, these questions need to be asked with care and sensitivity.

Sometimes “Why” questions can be seen as judgmental or speculative, for example, “Why did your team react that way?”; however, when used sparingly, they can be effective. Sometimes a “Why” question can be rephrased using a “What” or “How” question. 

Asking questions that are challenging can lead to critical and reflective thinking and may help your mentee generate insights. 

Challenging questions are usually:

  • difficult to answer
  • slightly out of the respondent’s comfort zone 
  • non-judgmental
  • personal to the respondent and specific to the topic
  • push the respondent to think more deeply

Examples include: “What’s unique about your situation?”, “What critical feedback do you most often receive, and do you deserve it?”, “What dream have you given up on?”, and “What are you risking by not stepping out of your comfort zone?”.