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4. Drive Active Relationships
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22 mins

How to Give and Receive Feedback

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The objective of feedback is to help your mentee learn and improve, and not to criticize them. Done well, feedback can:

  1. Enhance communication and trust.
  2. Clarify expectations, and help partners be more open and honest about what each expects of the other.
  3. Increase engagement and commitment, so both mentoring partners feel they have a stake in the journey.
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Giving productive feedback

Feedback needs to be consistent and constructive. Here are some tips on how to give productive feedback. 

  • Permission: Ask permission before giving feedback.
  • Intention: Question your intentions. Why are you giving this feedback? Will it help your mentoring partner learn?
  • Be specific: Provide tangible examples of behavior you have observed. Discuss its impact.
  • Frequency: Give feedback frequently when it is still actionable.
  • Positive: Also focus on positive feedback. What’s going well? 
  • Two-way discussion: Allow your mentoring partner to respond and think about what they are saying. Discuss ways to move forward and potential solutions. 
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Receiving feedback

How you receive feedback is also important. Be sure to listen and think carefully about feedback. Here are some suggestions:

  • Listen: Listen attentively to what is being said. Don’t begin to plan how you will respond, and tuning out what is being said.
  • Be open to feedback: Try to have an open mind, and be willing to change your behavior if necessary. 
  • Reflect: Reflect back to your mentoring partner what you have heard to ensure you understand it clearly. Ask any questions. 
  • Two-way discussion: Together, discuss potential solutions so you can move things forward. 
  • Appreciate: Thank or recognize your mentoring partner for what they have shared with you.

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How to Ask Challenging Questions

Asking challenging questions can be helpful to encourage deeper thinking about a situation.
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1 min

Asking challenging questions can be helpful to encourage deeper thinking about a situation. However, these questions need to be asked with care and sensitivity.

Sometimes “Why” questions can be seen as judgmental or speculative, for example, “Why did your team react that way?”; however, when used sparingly, they can be effective. Sometimes a “Why” question can be rephrased using a “What” or “How” question. 

Asking questions that are challenging can lead to critical and reflective thinking and may help your mentee generate insights. 

Challenging questions are usually:

  • difficult to answer
  • slightly out of the respondent’s comfort zone 
  • non-judgmental
  • personal to the respondent and specific to the topic
  • push the respondent to think more deeply

Examples include: “What’s unique about your situation?”, “What critical feedback do you most often receive, and do you deserve it?”, “What dream have you given up on?”, and “What are you risking by not stepping out of your comfort zone?”.

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Menlo Park, CA 94025 USA
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