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How to Be a Good Listener

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Listening is key to most relationships. We all know how it feels when someone pretends to listen, but does not give us their full attention. Mentoring requires strong listening skills.
A good listener hears not only what’s said, but also what’s left unsaid. 

Here are some tips to become a better listener -

1. Be present

First, put your phone on silent and keep it aside. Face your body towards the other person, and if culturally appropriate, make eye contact. Show you are interested. Check your posture–are you relaxed and open? Give your full attention.

2. Stop talking and just listen

So often we do not give other people the space to talk. We interrupt them, finish their sentences, or talk over them. This shuts the other person down. Be silent. Give non-verbal cues showing you are listening. Allow for pauses so your mentoring partner can think more deeply.

3. Remove distractions

If you are meeting virtually, set your cameras in a way that you can make eye contact. Remove distractions. Avoid distracting behaviors such as doodling, checking your phone and yawning. Offer your undivided attention. 

4. Be non-judgmental

Try to remove your prejudices and judgments from your interaction. Keep an open mind and fully listen. Show empathy. Try to step into your partner’s shoes and understand their perspective. 

5. Pay attention to non-verbal communication

Watch your partner and notice their gestures, expressions and body language. Are you sensing how they are feeling? What are they saying through their body language?

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How to Build a Relationship with Your Mentor

Good communication skills support strong mentoring relationships. 
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Time you spend building rapport with your mentor will pay you back with deeper conversations and more meaningful mentoring. 

Here are the key components you need to build the relationship -

1. Confidentiality is the cornerstone of a mentoring relationship and essential for both you and your mentor.
Do not discuss anything your mentor shares with you outside of your meeting unless you get permission to do so. You can write private messages by going into a current Mentorship and clicking on the Messages tab – other mentors and mentees can’t see these interactions.

2. Building rapport and trust are essential. Here are some ways you can build trust:

  • Spend the first meeting getting to know each other. Don’t dive into problems and solutions too soon. 
  • Live up to your commitments. Keep track of your goals, tasks and notes in the Mentoring Relationship.
  • Be prepared to be vulnerable. Your mentor is not there to judge you.
  • Ask for and be open to frank feedback even when it’s uncomfortable to hear. 

3. Good communication skills support strong mentoring relationships. 

Sync your calendars so it’s easier to schedule meetings and avoid conflicts. Simply go to “Settings”, then click on “General Preferences” and “Connect Calendar” to connect with your desired calendar account.

It is also important to be conscious of how you’re communicating with your mentor, both verbally and non-verbally.

  • Maintain an open and relaxed posture. Turn your body towards your mentor.
  • Make eye contact if it is culturally acceptable.
  • Nod or make small affirmations to show you are actively listening. 
  • Ask questions. 

Maintaining confidentiality, building rapport and using effective interpersonal communication skills will help you build a strong relationship with your mentor so both of you benefit from the experience.