The ability to reflect on and summarize what your partner has said is part of being an active listener and will improve the effectiveness of your session. 

Reflect on what you hear - Listen to your partner’s words and think deeply about it. Try to understand where they are coming from, what they mean and come up with your own ideas or thoughts on the subject. This shows your partner that you are listening and carefully considering what they have to say.

Observe – You should also pay attention to non-verbal cues and behavior you see. You may say, “I noticed you looked down when you said that…”, or “It seemed like your voice softened when you mentioned that person. Is there something more you want to say about them?” 

Summarize - Periodically, summarize what you have heard and check that it’s accurate. Summarizing and checking shows you’ve been listening and understanding what your mentoring partner has said. You may rephrase what they said and ask if it’s what they meant. It also helps you recollect important points they have mentioned or clarify anything that was unclear.

Give a shortened version of what you’ve heard by stating the key facts. Don’t try to interpret or add to it. Use this skill when you feel ideas are getting confusing, or when there seems to be more than one issue on the table.

You may use the Notes tab to summarize and keep track of any ideas or key points discussed during the Session so you have it handy for later. You may also refer to it before your next Session and keep track of your progress.

Listening is key to most relationships. We all know how it feels when someone pretends to listen, but does not give us their full attention. Mentoring requires strong listening skills.
A good listener hears not only what’s said, but also what’s left unsaid. 

Here are some tips to become a better listener -
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1. Be present

First, put your phone on silent and keep it aside. Face your body towards the other person, and if culturally appropriate, make eye contact. Show you are interested. Check your posture–are you relaxed and open? Give your full attention.

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2. Stop talking and just listen

So often we do not give other people the space to talk. We interrupt them, finish their sentences, or talk over them. This shuts the other person down. Be silent. Give non-verbal cues showing you are listening. Allow for pauses so your mentoring partner can think more deeply.

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3. Remove distractions

If you are meeting virtually, set your cameras in a way that you can make eye contact. Remove distractions. Avoid distracting behaviors such as doodling, checking your phone and yawning. Offer your undivided attention. 

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4. Be non-judgmental

Try to remove your prejudices and judgments from your interaction. Keep an open mind and fully listen. Show empathy. Try to step into your partner’s shoes and understand their perspective. 

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5. Pay attention to non-verbal communication

Watch your partner and notice their gestures, expressions and body language. Are you sensing how they are feeling? What are they saying through their body language?

Remote mentoring can be just as successful as in-person mentoring. Here are some tips for successful remote mentoring.

1. Choose a venue that is private - where your conversation cannot be overheard. Don’t conduct a mentoring session from your desk in an open office. Both mentoring partners should be able to  talk frankly and openly and have privacy.

2. Logistics - Set a date and time. Schedule a meeting right on MentorCloud with Sessions. Ensure both your calendars have been uploaded and that the correct time zones have been chosen. You can also discuss and select your preferred video conferencing tool. Have a light facing you, rather than behind you, so your mentoring partner can see your face. Turn your camera on. 

3. Virtual platform - Become familiar with the functionality of the MentorCloud platform and the preferred video conferencing tool. Use Tasks, Goals and Notes tab on MentorCloud as well as the chat option in your video conferencing tool. Share your screen to review tasks and goals together. Do you both have enough bandwidth to connect virtually?

4. Set ground rules - How do you feel about  being on mute? What happens with confidentiality if someone walks into the room? If one of you is at home, how will you address distractions such as the doorbell ringing or dog barking? 

5. Stay focused -  As much as possible, eliminate distractions. Silence or switch you off your phone. Close your email and any other work that may be open.

6. Get to know each other first  - Don’t jump immediately into mentoring. Instead, find out things about each other. If there are cultural differences, discuss what is socially acceptable, or not, for your meetings.

7. Actively listen - Pay attention. Show you are listening by looking into the camera, nodding your head and giving an affirmative cue. Try not to interrupt or talk over each other.

Questioning is a key skill in mentoring. By understanding how to ask the right questions, you can unlock your mentee’s thinking and generate valuable insights. 

Closed and open-ended questions
Use both closed and open-ended questions in your mentoring conversations.

1. Closed-ended questions: 

Can be answered by a few words and provide information about facts. Use them when you need clarification or a specific answer. They usually begin with “Who,” “Where,” and “When,” and “How much?”.  

Examples: 

• “Who was part of the conversation?”
• “Where did you work previously?”
• “When did you join the company?”
• “How much was your quota?”
  
  

2. Open-ended  questions: 

Open-ended questions cannot be answered with one word, or a simple “Yes” or “No”. Typically, they require more thought and can lead to deeper thinking and insights. Open-ended questions often begin with “What”, “What if”,“How?” and “Why”. 

Examples:

•   “What motivates you?”
• “What accomplishments are you proud of?”
• “What if you had an unlimited budget for this project, how would you spend it?”
•   “How will you go about motivating your team?”.
  

Tip: Asking questions can be stressful for some new mentors. Remember, it’s more important to actively listen than to think about what question to ask next. After fully listening, reflecting back and summarizing, the right question will come to you.

Asking challenging questions can be helpful to encourage deeper thinking about a situation. However, these questions need to be asked with care and sensitivity.

Sometimes “Why” questions can be seen as judgmental or speculative, for example, “Why did your team react that way?”; however, when used sparingly, they can be effective. Sometimes a “Why” question can be rephrased using a “What” or “How” question. 

Asking questions that are challenging can lead to critical and reflective thinking and may help your mentee generate insights. 

Challenging questions are usually:

• difficult to answer
• slightly out of the respondent’s comfort zone 
• non-judgmental
• personal to the respondent and specific to the topic
• push the respondent to think more deeply

Examples include: “What’s unique about your situation?”, “What critical feedback do you most often receive, and do you deserve it?”, “What dream have you given up on?”, and “What are you risking by not stepping out of your comfort zone?”.